Daughter: What is Marriage?
Mom: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore….
Changed version in the market….
Son: What is Marriage?
Father: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown female child whose expenses cannot be handled by her parents anymore….
Engineering campus
Student 1: Results are out, come we’ll go and see
Student 2: I’m with my dad. You see mine and msg me. If one subject is gone say “Good Morning to you”. If 2 subjects are gone, say “Good Morning to you and your dad”
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Later
Student 1: “Good Morning to you and your family” 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America
Maria: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now students, who discovered America?
Class: Maria
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Teacher: John, why are doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using the tables
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Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What?
Donald: Yesterday you said, it’s H to O
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Teacher: Winne, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago
Winnie: Me!!!!!!
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Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are
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Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I”
Millie: I is…..
Teacher: No Millie….always say I am….
Millie: All right…I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
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Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cheery tree but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
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Teacher: Simon, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No Sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook
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Teacher: Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No Sir, it’s the same dog
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Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: “A teacher”
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Son: Dad I got punished in school today
Dad: Why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me.
Saying.. At the end of scale there is an Idiot.
I just asked “which end”…?
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A lady on the telephone: Hello Sir, I want to meet and talk to you.
Man: Do you know me?
Lady: Yes, you are the father of one of my kids.
Man stunned! Oh my god!
Man: Are you Sangeetha?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Meenakshi?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Usha?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Neha?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Monicka?
Lady: No
Man: Anushka? Vaishali? Mitali?
Lady (in confusion): No Sir, I’m the class teacher of your son….
A man walks in to a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke; and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
”I’ll have the same”, says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the orders, ‘that will be $9.40 please” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man the ostrich came again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke”. The ostrich says I’ll have the same.
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays the exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
”The usual?” asks the waitress.
“No, this is Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato and a salad”, says the man.
”Same” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “that will be $32.62”
Once again the man pulls out the exact change from his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
”Excuse me sir, how do manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
Says the man, “Well, several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right money would always be there”
The waitress said, “That’s brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!”
”That’s right! whether it’s a gallon of milk or Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there” says the man proudly.
The waitress asks, “But what’s that ostrich all about?”
The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agree with everything I say”.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Men’s brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!
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Take water before bedtime – About 90% of heart attacks occur early in the morning and it can be reduced if one takes a glass or two of water before going to bed at night
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Drinking water at the right time maximizes its effectiveness on the human body -
** One glass of water after waking up helps to activate internal organs
** One glass of water 30mins before meal helps digestion
** One glass of water before taking bath helps lower your blood pressure
** One glass of water before going to bed avoids stroke or heart attack
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