Whatsapp – Just for laughs

Put your wife in a room and lock it.
Put your dog in another room and lock it.
Open both the rooms after 2-3 hours and see who is happy to see you, and who will BITE you :-)

The extended version says:

Put your husband in a room and lock it.
Put your dog in another room and lock it.

Open both the rooms after 2-3 hours and you’ll be happy to see your dog waiting for you and you’ll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture and say, If I can handle this, I can handle anything!! – Superb attitude for Life!
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Million dollar truth:
If Saturday and Sunday don’t excite you, then change your friends.
If Monday doesn’t motivate you, then change your profession.
If Monday is too exciting and you are dying to get to work then you should change your spouse.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married?
That was common sense leaving your body.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.
She said, “Sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys to face the criticism of one idiot!!!”
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A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

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Son: Dad I got punished in school today.

Dad: Why?

Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me.

Saying.. At the end of scale there is an Idiot”

I Just asked “which end”…?

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Pappu: Dad, I got selected for a role in a play for annual day!

Dad: What role are you playing?

Pappu: A husband
Dad: Stupid! Ask for a role with dialogue

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Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:

Wedding suit for sale
Details: used only once by mistake

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Whatsapp – Sixth sense

Blind Man in a hotel…..

Manger: Menu Sir???
Man: I’m blind, just bring me your kitchen spoon; I’ll smell it and order

Manager got a spoon
Blind smelt and said, “Yes, I’ll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes…

”Unbelievable” said the manger…

Every week he came and was correct each time.

Once the manager wanted to trick him. He went to the kitchen and told his wife Maria, “Rub the spoon on your lips”.
She rubs it on her lips and gives it to her hubby…

Blind man smelt and said, “Oh! My god..My classmate Maria also works here!!!!”

Manager fainted!!!!!!!!
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Whatsapp – Hilarious Laws

Law of equality:
The time taken by a wife when she says I’ll get ready in 5mins is exactly equal to the time taken by a husband when he says I’ll call you in 5mins.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Mechanical repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of the Workshop:
Any tool when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of the Result:
When to try to prove to someone that a machine wont work, it will.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Bio Mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Theatre rule
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down for a cup for hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of Proposal:
After you accept a proposal you will get a better one.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of getting late:
When you reach early for something, it will never start on time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law of exam:
If you didn’t read a page which is of least importance, the first question will be from that page.
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Whatsapp – Beautiful answers

Daughter: What is Marriage?
Mom: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore….

Changed version in the market….

Son: What is Marriage?
Father: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown female child whose expenses cannot be handled by her parents anymore….

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Whatsapp – Students Jokes

 

Engineering campus
Student 1: Results are out, come we’ll go and see
Student 2: I’m with my dad. You see mine and msg me. If one subject is gone say “Good Morning to you”. If 2 subjects are gone, say “Good Morning to you and your dad”
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Later
Student 1: “Good Morning to you and your family”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America
Maria: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now students, who discovered America?
Class: Maria
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Teacher: John, why are doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using the tables
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Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What?
Donald: Yesterday you said, it’s H to O
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Teacher: Winne, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago
Winnie: Me!!!!!!
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Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

Glen: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are
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Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I”
Millie: I is…..
Teacher: No Millie….always say I am….
Millie: All right…I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
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Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cheery tree but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
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Teacher: Simon, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No Sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook
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Teacher: Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No Sir, it’s the same dog
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Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: “A teacher”
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Son: Dad I got punished in school today

Dad: Why?

Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me.

Saying.. At the end of scale there is an Idiot.

I just asked “which end”…?

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Whatsapp fwd–Shocking question n Rocking answer

A lady on the telephone: Hello Sir, I want to meet and talk to you.
Man: Do you know me?
Lady: Yes, you are the father of one of my kids.

Man stunned! Oh my god!

Man: Are you Sangeetha?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Meenakshi?

Lady: No
Man: Are you Usha?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Neha?
Lady: No
Man: Are you Monicka?
Lady: No
Man: Anushka? Vaishali? Mitali?

Lady (in confusion): No Sir, I’m the class teacher of your son….

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Whatsapp funny story - Ostrich and man

A man walks in to a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke; and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

”I’ll have the same”, says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the orders, ‘that will be $9.40 please” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man the ostrich came again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke”. The ostrich says I’ll have the same.
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays the exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

”The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato and a salad”, says the man.
”Same” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “that will be $32.62”
Once again the man pulls out the exact change from his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
”Excuse me sir, how do manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

Says the man, “Well, several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right money would always be there”

The waitress said, “That’s brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!”

”That’s right! whether it’s a gallon of milk or Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there” says the man proudly.

The waitress asks, “But what’s that ostrich all about?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agree with everything I say”.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Men’s brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!

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Whatsapp – Vicious circle

The boss calls his secretary and says:
”Get ready for the weekend. We are going on a business trip”

The secretary calls husband and says:
”Me and my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so take care of yourself”

The husband calls his girl friend and says:
”My wife is going on a business trip, come home and we can have fun”

The girl friend calls the boy to whom she gives tuition, “No tuition this weekend”

The boy calls his father:
”Dad! at last we can spend this weekend together”

Dad (The boss) calls his secretary and says:
”Business trip is cancelled and I’m going to spend the weekend with my son”

The Secretary calls husband, “I wont be going”

The husband calls his girlfriend, “I’m sorry, my wife is not going”

The girlfriend calls boy, “You have tuition”

Boy calls his father and says, “Sorry Dad! I’ve classes”

The Dad calls his Secretary……………………………………..

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Whatsapp Husband n Wife Jokes

If wife wants husband’s attention, She just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, He just has to look comfortable & happy.
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Every WIFE is a Mistress of her Husband..
Miss for first year & Stress for rest of years.
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Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once?
But many people still go to their in laws house again & again.

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Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me, you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”

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Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

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Listening To your Wife is like reading terms & conditions of a website. You understand nothing but still click on “I agree”

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Phone rings at night…

Husband: If its for me, then say I am not at home!

Wife (on phone): He is at home…

Husband (in anger): What the HELL??

Wife: SHUT UP, It was for ME!!

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